Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
