When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
