Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
