I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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