I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
