maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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