I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
