dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Houston, we have a blender
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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