do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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