He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
