paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
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