my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
