So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
