i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
