i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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