he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
