Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
