Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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