I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
