it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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