Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
