is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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