Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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