it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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