erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
