if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
