So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Porn is love you can see.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
