the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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