sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
