jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
