D3 body, D1 cock
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
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