your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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