Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
