I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
