he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
