I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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