the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
