I'm drive I can fine osifer
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
