We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize