I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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