I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
