And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize