My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
