look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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