Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
