mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
