you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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