I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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