I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
