My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
