is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
