It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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