My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
