Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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