Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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