i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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