we're blogging at a bar
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
