He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
