I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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