We need to start having sex underwater more often.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize