I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
